Glory Divine... Perspective.

(Some thoughts on Phil. 2 and Isaiah 52 and 53)

  Jesus, Glory Divine. God became a man.

Whoa. That just messes me up. It baffles me beyond explanation.

               God became flesh. The Word became flesh.

What?!?! What other god would do that? None. But God did. He lowered Himself to the point of no reputation. He was a baby. A baby!! His mother laid Him in a manger, a simple feeding trough. The majestic King of Kings slept in a place where animals ate.

       You who were rich became poor. He gave it all away to become a man that which He created.

He had no beauty, no majesty. He was just like any other man, just an average kind of guy. There was nothing in His appearance that would attract us to Him. He being the very nature of God did not assume equality with God, but made Himself nothing.

             Becoming the very image of a servant—The Servant of all!

He humbled himself. He came to serve. And He was obedient, obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross. He took on the law and became a curse. Carrying our sins, our transgressions, all our filth and ugliness, He took on the wrath of God so that we would be forgiven. He was the perfect guilt offering. He offered Himself in obedience like a lamb lead to the slaughter and became the fragrant sacrifice.

              It was the joy set before Him, the very day of gladness in His heart. He carried our sorrows with all fullness of joy.

They beat Him and mocked Him. It was our sin that marred Him. He was crushed for our iniquities. His appearance was so disfigured, it was beyond that of any man. That’s what our sin did to Him, but He took it on in obedience to the Father with joy in His heart to do so. He gave away His beauty, taking on our punishment in its place. He did it without complaint. He could have proved His power, but he kept his mouth shut. It was the Lords will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and through the Lord make His life a guilt offering. For He bore the sins of many and made intercession for transgressors. He obeyed His Father and showed us the true meaning of love. As a servant He acted wisely.

               Therefore God will exalt Him to the highest place and give Him the name above every name.

God raised Him and lifted Him up. God made Him highly exalted. That at His name, the name of Jesus every knee shall bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. He did it all for the glory of the Father.  So He will sprinkle many nations.

      It just gets me. It sets something going inside of me that I simply cannot contain. I literally feel like I’m going to burst with love—that He did this for me, that He did this for love. He knew then and He knows now how weak I am. He knows my weakness so well. He knows I’m needy but He chose to do all that anyway. He chose to love me anyway.

     That was merely the proposal, His betrothal to His bride. And though it amazes and astounds me, I said yes to Him. Because there is no greater love. When I think about Him on that cross with His arms stretched out worshipping His Father, I think about how He loves. He was proclaiming His love without even saying a word. With arms open wide He called out in silence, “I love YOU this much—and more!” This act is by no means small, it’s huge. It was an invitation.

                                       He gave all of Himself.

     He sacrificed Himself for our purity, for our sanctification. He did it to save us, to redeem us. He gave up His life so that we could be with Him in paradise. He was saying, “Come. Follow me. Come to my Father’s house. Come be my bride, forever.” He was telling us He loves us, but more than telling He was showing us. He gave everything, EVERYTHING, away for us. And He’s waiting. Patiently He waits for us to say yes. To come and marry Him. He’s waiting for us to lay down our lives the way He did His, to give up everything and follow Him. He gave everything for love. How can we not do the same? Tell me, how?

     He loves so well. He waits so patiently, continually interceding, always pouring out mercy. He’s so humble. He only asks one thing of us—our heart. I don’t know about you but when I think about all He did, it moves me. I am moved by so great a love. If He wants my heart He can have it. I give it to Him freely. He can have all of me. I want Him to come and wash my feet so I can learn from His humility and so that I can be with Him. I just want to be fully in love.

     Oh and here’s some food for thought…

In no other religion, in no other god will you find such compassion, such love and mercy. It is only found in the One true living God, the maker of heaven and earth. Only God who created the world would be willing to send His son as a sacrifice to save it. Only God the Son would be so obedient to the point of death to reconcile us to the Father that we may know how much He loves. The gods of wood and stone can’t do that. Knowledge can’t do that. Nothing can do that. Only God can do that. And He did it so scripture would be fulfilled. He did it for His glory.

Amen.

The Growing Season: A Lovely Journey

           The Growing Season: A Lovely Journey

     This year has been huge. Huge. I’ve grown a lot. A whole lot. I won’t say I’ve grown up, but rather I’ve grown in. I know I still I have a lot of growing up to do. And I think when someone goes around proclaiming they’ve grown up (ie -I’m grown up so treat me like I am), that shows how much you aren’t grown up. Actions speak volumes louder than words. It’s true. Need I spell out the work of the cross for you? That’s the loudest declaration of love I’ve ever heard He didn’t use words, ‘…for he was lead like a lamb to the slaughter.’

     Now. Where was I? Oh, yes…

     Growing in, or growing into. You know how when you were little and you would get a new coat for the winter, though in many cases it was only new to you because it had previously belonged to big sister or big brother? The coat usually didn’t fit, it was too big or too baggy, right? And mom always said, “Oh, you’ll grow into it.” But often times it never really did fit properly. Anyways that’s what I mean by growing in. I’ve been wearing coats that didn’t fit right, mostly because they didn’t belong to me. But now I think I found one that fit.

     Ok. Ok. I didn’t literally grow in to a coat this year. I grew into or rather am growing into who I am. What do you mean by growing into who you are, you might ask. Well, it is exactly how it sounds. I am growing into who God created me to be—ME.  No more false pretenses and no more pretending to be someone I’m not in order to fit the mold of today’s standards. He made me unique. I am and was a creative dream in His heart. God has a plan, a purpose, a destiny for me. And I’m beginning –finally—to walk in that.

     I wasn’t who I am (if that makes since) for a long time. I was scared to be me. I see things differently and have been ridiculed for it and never told that it was ok. I thought that because I’m different it must be wrong. I look at something and I see a story around how it came to be. I see what no else dares or cares to see. And I know now there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. BECAUSE that’s exactly how He wanted me to be, for reasons unbeknownst to me but I look forward to discovering.

     I have a story that was perfectly written, though at the same time is still in the process of being written. My story is my own, and I’m the heroine of it. But it is connected to a whole network of stories all entwined together to one story in particular (A very wise and good friend told me this). I think you know what story I speak of… but just in case, I am referring Jesus. Oh and hey if you’re reading this, then my story and yours is probably somehow connected, just a thought.

     As my story is written out—before I was even born, God decided who I would become and where I would go. He said, “She’ll face those difficulties and hardships, not to make her stronger, but so she’ll understand.” Firstly to understand, in my weakness I am strong. Secondly, so that I would understand brokenness in order to help and love those who are broken. He allowed me sorrow and suffering, to set me free and bring me joy, all for His glory. He gave me beauty, well because that’s just what He does.

   Is. 61 – “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted… to bestow them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil gladness instead of morning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.”

     When I was little, like Amy Carmichael, I wanted blue eyes. I also wanted to be tan, blonde, and thin like all the pretty little girls. Although I can color my hair blonde, for a time anyway, my eyes still aren’t blue, I’m paler than a snowman and some days I don’t look the way I want to but I can say with confidence that I am one of the pretty girls. I don’t know why I was born with dark hair; perhaps I’ll be sent to a nation where I’ll need it to blend in with the natives. My eyes are sort of olive green, sometimes hazel brown. They change colors. I know why my eyes are the color they are, but that’s between me and God.

     So since I lead you on this journey and we are nearing the end, I suppose you’ll want to know who it is exactly that I am growing in to be. I don’t know. I haven’t the slightest clue, ok maybe I do but the big picture is still a ways off in the distance. And that’s fine with me. It’s a process. I’m still learning and growing, after all.

     The journey is long, the path is narrow. Not many can travel it. But I’ve made up my mind to take this path and see it through to the end, because at times I don’t really know where it is I belong or who I am, yet here on this journey I know it’s where I’m meant to be and I’ll become who I am. There are rough days, for sure and those days I must say are more than a few. It’s those days where I learn the true meaning of dark yet lovely, weak yet sincere. It’s all learning and leaning. I know when I reach the journeys end I’ll find my way home to my beloved. I’ll be with Jesus, and we’ll look back over how far I came and I’ll tell him it was all worth it.

     I know the end of the story, though I’m still making my way through it. That’s why even now I can call it a lovely journey amidst my growing.

~dark.yet.lovely.~

Faithful to the end.. loving and leaning.

Faithful to the End..

Or Faithful till the end, for that matter. Think about it. He has no end. He died, He rose again and now He lives to make intercession for me, and you too. AND we have no end. We’re going to be with Him for eternity. So really, in saying this, it’s declaring His love is without end… yeah.. that’s intense.

AND REMEMBER…

God is always, ALWAYS, with you. Even in the bad.

Besides…… Where in the Bible does it say everything is easy and we don’t suffer? Point me there and I’ll read it. What it does say is be patient in your suffering. Be confident in your hope. God is always with us, through trials and tribulations, and during though good times when we sit underneath His shade eating apples and raisins. At all times He is there. ALL TIMES.

In our broken humanity at the first sign of hardship we assume that God isn’t there to help us. He abandoned us because we became too much for Him. He got tired of pulling us up out of the mire. And He turned His back on us. Well if you, and me too, would stop pointing fingers at God and actually look at what He’s doing we might realize He never left. He’s been there the whole time watching over us. He was leading us but we chose our own path, and that’s how we got broken in the first place. And I think that sometimes God allows hardships in our lives in order to show us are depravity that we might humble ourselves and come to Him for help… Cause He wants to help us, He really does.

Now, where was I? Oh. Yes! Nothing is easy. Adam and Eve had the whole easy living thing going for them in the Garden of Eden. Then sin entered the picture. And because of that we have to daily deal with the sin in our life. We’re always going to be weak. Life will always be hard. And so on and so forth. But the thing is, God loves us. He loves everything about us.  You’re thinking, “but I’m sooo weak and I mess up. And. And. And.”

              Ummmmm… HELLO! He created you. He knows your weaknesses better than you do. He says come to me all you who are weak… I think He doesn’t mind. And about life being so tough, think about it. Really think about it. God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. He just doesn’t. Sure it may seem as though you’re drowning in your problems but you’re not. Jesus is your rock, your shelter from the storm. So when life’s circumstances rain down a little too hard, you don’t have to simply endure it. He’ll give you grace to make it through. All you gotta do is ask. And the hardest part about that is getting past your pride. Because asking isn’t hard at all.

     I read this quote once: “It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.” And it has really stuck with me (and I only read it a few days ago).

   Life is a journey, I know, I know- cliché.  But it’s true. And yes it’s hard and rarely easy. That’s why it’s a journey. It only comes one day at a time. And part of that journey includes going through valleys, and stumbling in the darkness so that in the end you can come up from the wilderness, leaning. It’s a long and narrow road. But it is most definitely not lonely. There’s a Shepherd who is leading you through. All you have to do is follow. Say yes to the invitation. And on those hard days, well I can’t say they’ll be easier or even less painful, but I can say with certainty that they are a lot more bearable knowing what it is that matters in the end.

He loves me. In the end, He still loves me. Through the journey, He loves me. That’s why He leads me. He faithfully loves me- even to death. The least I can do is trek through this journey, one day at a time, loving him in return.

Amen? Amen.

Dark and Weak, yet Lovely and Sincere..

     My heart is dark. My love is weak, yet it is sincere. I know this, I accept it. I am weak; there is nothing I can do on my own. Often times I fail at loving and doing all God asks of me. In fact, I’m pretty sure I fail daily. Despite this I am not a failure. Sure I fall, and I break over and over again. But when I fall I get back up, and sometimes I try to piece myself back together then when that doesn’t work I throw it in the air and cry out. He takes my broken heart and he loves it. He sees the darkness surrounding me and inside my heart and calls it lovely. He heals my brokenness.

     I won’t say He is my strength when I am weak, because I am always weak. Therefore He is always my strength. God looks at my little effort, my small but hardest and sincerest of tries and He calls it love. My weak love moves the heart of God. How crazy is that? But it’s true.  It’s not the biggest love in the world, it’s not all the good that I do that moves Him. All He cares about is the fact that I said yes. That’s all He wants is my yes, though small and simple it may be. My weak yet sincere love is more to Him than the biggest and greatest loves that lacks the sincerity. He cares more for my little love because it is real and true.

     I am a mess. But He calls me His own. He calls me by name. The Lord God Almighty, maker of the heavens and earth knows my name. But of course He does, because He gave it to me. I have sorrow and suffering, but He takes that away to bring me joy. I’ve got burdens, though big to me they are so tiny, so miniscule to Him. And he takes them and carries them away. He speaks to me all the time, even when I don’t listen. 

     One thing He is teaching me about, that I can never get enough, of is love. You see, He made me because He loves me. And He knows how sinful, broken, and depraved man is. So before I was even born He sent His one and only Son to make atonement for my sin, to heal my brokenness and clear my conscious. Jesus carried the weight of my transgressions. What! But He did. And not just mine, but the whole world. And He did it, why?? BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR US.

     The Father loves us, and the Son, who does all the Father does, loves us too—so much so that He gave up His own life for us! So that we could be with Him where He is. Sounds crazy, I know. But I believe it. He did it so He could have a bride, forever. Forever. That’s a long time, shoot, that’s eternity. And that’s where I’ll be for all eternity. I’ll be dwelling in the house of the Lord for all my days. ME. Me, with my dark heart and weak love. But it’s ok, cause that whole dying thing He did, was for my sanctification. His death makes it possible for my love to be weak. How cool is that, well I think it is anyway.

     I had this thought at one time in my life, not so long ago in all honesty. I believed that I had to be strong. I thought I was the hero and I didn’t need saving.  I didn’t really know how to love God, and I didn’t know my weak yet sincere love was enough for Him. I went around thinking all was well but knowing deep down that it wasn’t. And I definitely did not think it was ok to talk about my weaknesses, fears, and problems with God. That was why I did it on my own, because He’s God after all and doesn’t need my worries and cares. Right? Ummm.. Wrong! So wrong.

     He already knows about my petty problems, and instead of thinking, “Oh poor, you. You screwed up yet again. Well, what are you gonna do about it,” He looks at me and His heart fills to the brim with love, even to the point that it over flows with mercy. He says,” Yes, you did mess up. But I still love you, I never stopped. Come back to me and I’ll clean you up.” I fall, get back up, and little do I realize the Lord is right behind me dusting me off.

    Anyways.. What I’m getting at is that now I know it’s ok to be weak and broken. He did die for that, after all. And as I said, He knows our weakness, why not confess it and talk to Him about it? He does have some pretty good ideas about getting over it… And I’ve found the best way to deal with my weaknesses is just to love Him. Better yet, to let Him love me and in doing so I fall more in love with him. It’s good to be weak , cause He’ll carry you. Just lean, it’s easy. Well when I say easy…..

     Really, it is God’s mercy that reveals to us our weakness. He could let us go about wallowing in our own filth, doing our own thing, and just messing up time and time again. Instead His heart is moved and with His great compassion, His everlasting mercy, He shows us our weakness. He reveals our brokenness so we can come to Him for help, and ultimately He makes us whole.

     If you’re looking to find what love really means, look no further than the cross and the man who hung there to die. He poured out His heart, and stretched out His arms for the sake of His bride.

     Help me to be weak. Help me to be dependent; I want to be dependent on you Jesus. Help my unbelief. Whichever way the wind blows, I choose to lean.

spreading the London Love.. <3

peace and cheese..

-Lui J ***-->The Girl Who Loves London<--***

What must she have thought?

The Adulterous Woman (John 8)

What must it have been like for her? What must have been going through her mind? She’s been caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees have control over her life, they will decide weather she lives or dies. But the men with all the power do the strangest thing. They bring her before a man known simply as “The Rabbi”. She might have known who he was, of all the wondrous deeds he had done. Then again, she might not have. The Pharisees ask this rabbi a question concerning her, her fate. Her final minutes hang in the balance and they ask a mere teacher his opinion on the law of Moses. And His answer will determine her sentence, if is she to be stoned to death?

Confusion surfaces in the small crowd that’s gathered, no more so than in the woman condemned. The teacher bends down and begins to write in the sand. What is he writing? Why is he doing it? The Pharisees began to grumble at this nonsense; some already have stones in hand. How ready they are to end her life! The woman wrings her hands in nervous frustration. Doesn’t this man know any moment could very well be her last? He’s only making the situation worse by playing in the dirt like a small child. Her breath comes short but quick as panic arises. She is sure the end has drawn near.

The man stands slowly, with much determination. He says the strangest thing, “Whoever of you is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Once again the man bends to write on the ground.

The woman flinches waiting for a dozen or so stones to fly in her direction. Surely this is to be the hour of her death. Nothing happens. Cautiously she opens one eye then the other. She glances over her shoulder at the Pharisees behind her to find quiet the shock. The old men have already begun to walk away, moments later the younger ones also drop their stones leaving her and the rabbi in their dust. She stands still waiting, not sure if this is real. Perhaps it is but a cruel prank, her punishment shall be much worse than stoning.

The man straightens up, “Where have they gone,” He asks kindly, “Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she tries to find her voice but a mere whimper comes out. Will he condemn her? Will he hate her for her crimes and wish her to die? Surely he must.

“Then neither do I,” he replies, catching her off guard for she did not expect him to say such. His voice is soft yet holds all the power and authority of a king, “Go now; leave your life of sin behind you.” His words break something; it is as though a victory has been won.

She stares at the ground, the sky- anywhere but at him until she cannot stand it any longer. Finally her gaze settles on the Rabbi’s face. He is serious. His eyes burn like flames of fire but contain such tenderness, such love and mercy. The teacher does not condemn her. No one has ever treated her with such kindness as this man. Never has the woman ever felt so relieved as she does now. She’s never felt so free. With his act of compassion, this pronouncement of mercy the woman no longer desires to live the ways of her old life. Instead she will follow him.

In a way she did die. Not physically of course. The woman died to her old self. What must have gone through her mind? What must it have been like for her? I think I know because we must die daily in order to follow him, the man who could have cast the first stone but chose not to. Instead, He hung on a cross of wood, His arms stretched wide all to say: “I love you.”

Humble. Mercy. Redemption.

Sometimes when I sit in the gpr I have sudden revelation and before I know it my hand has written three or so pages of something beautiful. So here's my thought. The most beautiful thing in the world became an average-joe kind of guy. God became a man, what?!?! But He did. He did it for me. He had it all but gave it all away, even to death so He could be with me forever. He was just a carpenter looking for a bride to spend eternity with..

So here it is..

Humbly He came

Without glory, without fame.

He had no money,

He had no name.

The One who had it all

Gave it all away.

To the earth He came,

And the human race

Would never be the same.

He had no beauty,

Just an ordinary man He became.

He had no riches,

But freely He gave of Himself –

  He gave us love.

The Man without spot or blemish

Was lead like a lamb to slaughter.

His Father cast His lot,

And He took the sins of the world with humility.

We marred His face,

We bruised His body

Till all recognition was gone.

We placed a crown of thorns on His head,

We nailed Him to a cross of wood,

Though He had committed not one wrong.

We rolled in our own filth,

Our hearts the very nature of darkness.

Death had his cold hand wrapped around us,

Redemption was the only cure.

Love that was weak,

Hearts that were black

He saw and wanted anyway.

The Father readied to pour forth wrath,

But His son stood before us

To He take our place.

The blow was dealt,

He received what we deserve.

The Man of Sorrows

Bore the guilt of our suffering.

He breathed His last

Still pouring out love,

Begging the Father to forgive our transgressions.

The Perfect sacrifice

Became a curse,

His blood was shed,

Staining our hearts red

Giving us salvation.

He gave it freely, as a gift

And all He asks in return is for our love.

No longer dead to sin, are we

But alive by the blood of the Lamb that was slain.

Look at what the Perfect Sacrifice has done for us.

And ask yourself,

Could you Crucify Him?

No, never—you might say,

Yet every day we do when we say no

To His heart,

His Will,

His Ways.

Even now He forever lives

To intercede on our behalf.

Look at what love has done,

Then tell me, you have not been moved.

Partner with His heart,

He did this for you

So that your weak love

Could be enough,

So that your sin

Could be forgiven.

So that boldly

You could approach the throne of grace.

He sees the darkness in our hearts,

And He says

“I died for that.”

He sees it

And He calls it

Love.

The Heart of a Lover

     The heart of a lover is full of passion for that which stirs it. It is that of a worker, willing to serve. There is a quote that goes, “A lover will out work a worker any day.” A lover’s purpose is to gain the heart of that which has earned its own heart. I am lover of God. It is my desire to serve him, to worship and adore. There is an ache in my heart when I am not near enough to His presence. At times I feel myself so far away from Him and I don’t even realize it, though once I do I am more than grieved at the news. I am a weak lover, but He is so strong and compassionate that he calls me back and never stops loving my weakness. I go through season of raging passion for the one who was, and is, and is to come. And I go through times of ‘why do I love you again?’

     My love is so, so very weak. I feel I fail at loving him sometimes. But my love though weak it may be is so, very sincere. I am immature. I am growing; I am growing at loving Him and growing in love for Him. In my lack of maturity I might forget how compassionate the Lord is, that His love is unending. And in that moment I run away from His love. Running away only leaves a gaping hole in my heart till I find my way back to the arms of my Father. He sets me on His knee and asks, “Why did you run this time?” He gently chucks my chin adding, “You are the one whom I love, the one whom I sent my Son to die for. Do you not know by now I will never stop loving you, even in you weakness?” It has taken time but I finally, well when I say finally, got the grasp of 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. It is in my weakness I am made strong. So between me and Him, I establish that my love is weak and He establishes that He loves me anyway.

     I was made to love, by love, through love, for love and all because of love. It is and was the desire of my Fathers heart to create me. It was His pleasure to crush His Son for me to be able to approach Him. Jesus now sits at the right hand of the Father as the Great Intercessor because of His great love for me. First of all, how can I not love the hand that made me, the mouth that spoke the words of my existence? Secondly, how can my heart not belong to the beautiful man who gave His life up for mine, who sent His Holy Spirit to comfort me till His return? Just the very thought of this sets my insides churning in a way I didn’t know possible. It’s an ache, a longing that shall not be satisfied. Only He can fill it. And it will not be fully filled until I am with Him, where He is. This is called the joy of being lovesick. To be so in love it hurts, yet is a most pleasurable and light affliction, as Paul might say.

     This lovesickness creates in me a passion to be near the Lord at all times, to always be with Him in His presence. The only way I know to do that, and have yet to truly accomplish, is by constantly conversing with Him. Let your thoughts not stray for your heart will soon follow. Keeping your thoughts and mind focused on Him is, as Brother Lawrence would put it, “practicing the presence of God.” A lover wants to be nearest to their love at all times and when they are not it causes them real pain, it is the same with God. When you are not near to God something should feel wrong in your heart until you have once again drawn close to the lover of your soul. Remember it is you who ventures away from Him. God does not leave you, but rather you leave Him.

     The desire of a heart of a lover is to have the same burdens on your heart as that of your love. What bothers him bothers you. That, which weighs his heart, weighs yours too. When he finds beauty and joy so do you. The heart of a lover is always looking to share what is on the heart of their love. To know what is on the heart of God all goes back to having a continuous conversation with Him. He will share what is on His heart when you ask. If you aren’t talking to Him, how are you to ask? And if you aren’t asking how are you to know? It is my desire to share His burdens, not for me to share mine because if it’s bothering me than obviously I’m having an issue with the Lord that I shouldn’t be having in the first place. Everything, every burden and desire rests on the heart of God, which is why He assigns different burdens to different people, or sometimes gives you something to pray for during a certain season, which is very clever on His part. What more can be said on this matter?

     Lovers long to serve; it is in their heart to do so. Which brings us to the age old question, “Are you a Mary or a Martha?” There is only one right answer to that, no matter what you think. It is true that we are called to serve God, but He has servants, they’re called angels. He’s looking and longing for a lover, that’s why He created us. Who was really serving Jesus, Mary or Martha? Martha was going around doing her job as the woman of the house serving the food and wine. She was making sure everything was as it should be. Mary sat at His feet pouring out her heart as He lavished His love upon her. Martha was serving to be seen; Mary just wanted to touch His heart. It was Mary who was serving Him, not Martha. To serve God is to love Him; to love Him is to follow all His commands.

     How do we follow His commands? Easy, ask for grace and endurance to do it. But really it is not hard to obey God, sin gets in the way, thankfully however He is quick to forgive the repentant heart. When God calls you to do something He gives you the grace to do it. He calls us to obey Him, and if we love Him rightly it should be out joy to do so. I mean the Father sent His only son to earth to become a curse, dying on a tree for our transgressions. Jesus became that perfect sacrifice, it was His very day of gladness. They did that for our blackened hearts, our sinful nature; can we not love and obey? That should be the priority of our hearts as lovers of God.

     The heart of a lover is a complicated thing. It is so complex it cannot begin to be understood, fortunately for us we don’t have to understand it. We get to be the lover, longing for His return. We get to sit at His feet and love Him as He pours out love on us. It is my desire, the one thing I seek (Ps. 27:4) to live I the house of the Lord all days of my life. I just want to gaze at His indescribable, incomparable beauty. There is so, so much beauty but it’s never enough. I want to delight in presence as much as I want Him to enjoy me. My heart as a lover longs for His nearness and how it aches for Him, for His return. He is that one thing I desire. He sets my soul on fire. He brings me joy. Basking in His love makes me love Him more and more. The more of His presence I get the more I want. The heart of a lover is insatiable. You’re always left wanting more, more of God.  

     In the end it all about denying yourself, it’s doing anything and everything for love because love did everything for you. People always say, “Where are you I want more.” And He’s saying, “I’m where I always was. I gave you everything, run after me.” Isaiah 55:6- ‘Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call on Him while He is near.’ It’s all about the pursuit, the chase.  He’ll chase you down until you are His. He’ll never stop. But at the same time you must be pursuing Him. Your heart must desire Him if you are to be a lover.  Because, the heart of a lover is passionate not passive, it is violent not calm. The heart of a lover will do anything for love, anything to be near God. 

     The Lord, the good, good Shepherd and lover of your soul is calling. He says, “Come! Come away with me. Let us run together!” (Song of Songs 2:10) Run with Him. He’s called you by name. He’s placed you as a seal upon His heart. His love is unquenchable, as strong as death. His love conquered the grave. Go after Him the way He goes after you. His love is so deep, high, wide and long (Ephesians 3:16-19), and we can comprehend it. He gave it to us as a gift; we can tap into it. But only the heart of a lover, pursuing His love and longing for Him will reach it. He’s called us all to be lovers. Not lukewarm, but fiery and passionate. The heart of a lover goes after God with reckless abandon, there is no other way.  No other distraction can pull you away, only He can satisfy, but it’s never enough.  The heart of a lover is real, and is afraid to lose its zeal.

“Oh, Lord, do not let me grow faint or my heart become hardened”, is the cry of a lover.

     The heart of a lover is not neat and tidy. It’s a mess. I am messed up, ruined with love. Nothing can compare to love. A lover will not settle for less. In short, to be a lover you are a worker, a server. You are not your own, you belong to the one you gave your heart to and he will have his way with you. In this case it is the Lord. A lover does not resist but gives in easily because a love this great cannot be withstood. The heart of a lover cannot wait for His return and will cry out day and night for justice and mercy. A lover will be swayed by nothing other than love. All other things are counted as loss for the sake of knowing Him (Philippians 3:8). Love cannot be deterred, it cannot be put out. It cannot be undone. The heart of a lover is the greatest force ever known because it will literally move mountains. A lover is called by God. We are in this world but we are most definitely not of it. The heart of a lover is broken, fully dependent upon God because only He can save my soul.

   

 It is by grace. It is through faith. Thank you Lord for saving me, for fanning this flame within my soul; may it never flicker out.  Move my heart with what moves yours. I am yours, your bride; come claim me as your own. I’m your beauty. I live to serve you, to love you. This ache within my heart shall not leave me till the day of your return. I look forward to the day when you break forth in the sky riding on a white horse. You are coming for me! Thank you for opening my eyes to see, my ears to hear. Let me see your face, those eyes that burn like flames of fire. Let me here the thunder of your voice. Oh, great and terrible beauty, reveal yourself to me. I prepare the way; purify me. Make your home in me. Let me be your temple, your dwelling place. Thank you for the joy, for the glow. Thank you for loving me. Let me be found with a heart after you, I want to be found loving you. Holy Spirit take control. Oh Father, thank you for sending your Son. Thank you for the story of redemption, Jesus thank you for the cross. Your kingdom come, oh Lord, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen

    

Ch.1 Ending is begining

I've had several people, including my dentist, my dad, and close friends tell me to put some of my stories online.. And well I have before but ended up deleting it but it's time I step out of my box of shelter. So here is chapter one of my story called The Sole Survivor.. I don't have a cool tag-line, yet, however I can tell you it is about a man who can't die. If that hasn't peaked your interest, well then I'll add this words, genetic experiments, a voice without a face, a quest for the meaning of life.. Are you hooked yet? Well.. read on. And I'll just throw this out there, if you like it perhaps I'll post more.. And if you really like it and happen to know any literary agents, you could pass this along ;)
   But seriously, here's a look inside my mind, consider yourself privelged : The Sole Survivor
  *remember this is only a draft and subject to change*

  LOCATION: UNKNOWN                                                  

LAST RECORDED DATE: 12^th Quattuor 6022

     Darkness is merely the absence of light. It cannot exist unless all light has been extracted. Even a shadow is only the blocking out of a light source. Death is the absence of life. One cannot exist without the origin of life, a breath. If you ask me darkness is far worse than death. When dead, you aren’t aware of it. You don’t feel or know anything, all senses are lost. But when you are surrounded by darkness you are so very aware of it. That is when your fears come alive. It’s when all hope fails you and nothing is left. I am either dead or have fallen into deep darkness.

     “Wake up!” Someone makes a harsh sound with their throat.

     I don’t want to get up; I’m safe inside my head. I don’t even know what this is, and my only choices don’t offer much hope. I do know my last memory brought me here. A last glimpse at humanity before my eyes closed, before it all ended, before slipping away into the unknown. There was the smell of blood and sweat mixed with the smoke of bombs. The sun was overcast but the day was dreadfully hot, smoldering is more the word. Gun shots sounded from every corner, echoed by last shouts and a final breath. A final breath, searing pain, that’s what this is. I am dead, fallen in battle.

     My comrades will give me a nameless grave if they follow my last wishes. I know this isn’t heaven, it’s too dark. There’s no beauty, there are no angels and no singing. I imagine there’d be singing in heaven. Mum always said that I would never make it to heaven if I didn’t straighten up and say my prayers. However, I do not believe this to be hell. It smells too clean. There are no unbearable sounds of agony and ongoing suffering.  If this isn’t heaven or hell, than perhaps it is the place in between. Limbo is what my fellow soldiers would call it. The place for those who weren’t too bad or too good in life. I think that describes me well enough; limbo is a fitting place for me. But I don’t like it, not one bit.

     “Wake up!”

     Someone shakes me hard, someone whose hands are cold like death himself. I try to open my eyes before realizing they are already open. All I can see is black, black, and more black. There’s a quick flash of light and from out of nowhere some sort of beings appear. An extremely bright light shines from behind them making their faces and figures indiscernible.

     “We’ve been watching you,” says a voice, a most definite female voice.

       Her voice is in my head. It’s both painful and pleasant. The sound of her voice is soft, almost angelic yet it is also cruel and something to be feared. It’s almost bittersweet. I think you’re supposed to desire and repulse her. As soon as she stops speaking, you’ll go mad wanting to hear her again. Once she does, however, it is agony to bear. Indeed, she gives you feelings of love and hate. You’ll lose yourself either way and you will be left feeling empty and violated, always wanting more and hating yourself for it.

     “As I said”, she begins again bringing a great and terrible beauty. “We have been watching you. And those who are like you.”

     What exactly does she mean by ‘those who are like you’? And the idea of them watching me throughout my life creeps me out. I’ve done things no one would be proud of. Why on earth would they take a special interest in me. I’m no one special. I’m not significant in any way at all. Her voice buzzes in my head and it hurts, “But you are special. Remember. Don’t you remember?”

     As I’m wondering what it is I’m supposed to remember, the Voice does something to my head. It’s as though she threw a beam of light inside my head. All I can see is flashing. My memories start to revive themselves, even ones I buried long, long ago. Then it stops on one single event that has shaped my life up to this moment: my birth. The second after I was born strange doctors took me away. My mother barely had a chance to kiss my nose and give me a name. Including myself, there were ten newborns that they conducted experiments on. Tests to cheat death, to expand life, and survive. But I’m the only one who lived through the experiments without dying or receiving brain damage.

     “You were returned to your family and left to live a normal life.” The Voice speaks out for the first time. “However, your life cannot be called normal, not at all. At a young age you joined the army, performing every possible task you could. In a way, it was your only choice. All your family and friends were killed when the plague broke out in your town. You lived on. But there was her, safe and far away from it all she was. You loved that girl and would have done anything for her. It’s your fault, you know.”

     “No”, I shout. My hands go to my ears so that I don’t have to hear her, but she only continues on inside my head. Why did she have to bring up Korah? As if dying isn’t bad enough now I have to relive my most painful memories. And Korah, poor Korah. Well, isn’t that life for you? Or death.

     “She died too while you survived. Then it came.”

     Indeed it came and it came relentlessly: endless suffering. There are those who called it the fall of man, while others referred to it as the end of the world. It was the fifth ‘Great War’, so the media said. I don’t know what to call it but I do know one thing. It was unavoidable and unappeasable. Death. Pain. Famine. War. Loss.

     “Along with everyone else you fought against it. You all fought with your silly and useless weapons. Unlike the rest of mankind you remained unaffected. You live and everyone else dies.”

     What is she talking about? Aren’t I dead now? If this isn’t death then it must certainly be the end. How could I be the sole survivor of it all? My head pounds with frustration at the thoughts running through my mind.

     “The test performed on you when you were first born weren’t supposed to work. The experiments failed for the others, yet for some unexplained reason they did not fail you. After looking back over and over again, we’ve come to the conclusion that yours was flawed. However, it is your failed test that is the key. In other words William Elysian,” she uses my name for the first time, “You cannot die.”

     I want to believe this is an over exaggerated joke staged by the lads back at base camp. They’ll get me to believe it then pop out shouting surprise. But this is all too real, the Voice knows too much about me, about Korah. But how can this be true? Everyone must die eventually, it is the natural order of life. Humans are created to live and then die. I cannot be the only exception.“Explain this to me,” I demand.

     “William, have you ever wondered why you were found alone in your village at eleven years of age. You survived the plague. When the medical units finally arrived they found everyone dead, all wiped out in a matter of hours, all except for you. They found you wondering amongst the corpses, as though you were a flower trying to survive alongside weeds. And have you ever asked yourself why Korah died and you did not. There were bombs. She was blown to bits while you walked away unharmed. And haven’t you ever wondered why you stopped aging after you turned twenty-seven? Your body clock stopped. These aren’t the only examples.

     “There have been many times you survived a dangerous mission while your comrades fell at your side. How many times have you watched a friend die on the battlefield?  Only fragment of these events can your memory contain. William, you leave a trail of dead bodies in your wake, meanwhile you escape deaths grasp so easily. Haven’t you ever asked yourself why? Death seeks you, constantly calling you out but you have a way of eluding it/him. You always manage to slip away unscathed.” Her voice holds a hint of irony.

     If this is a nightmare someone please wake me up. Save me from this. Save me from myself. I refuse to believe this insanity, though deep down inside me I know this is real. Everything she’s said is the cold, hard truth. “For this reason,” she continues indifferent to my complaints, “You are going to start over, so to speak. William we will lead you to the doorway of the living and the dead. From there you must find your way back into the world of the living. Also we have a task you must accomplish. Your very existence depends upon it. This is no small action and it will not be easy. 

    “William Elysian, you are to find the flaws of your fellow man. Learn from them and make the world better for the sanctity of all life. You will learn what it means to be human because I think you have forgotten. There is one last thing I must ask of you. Find the true meaning of life. Tell me what you learn. If you can do at least this one thing then perhaps we will let you have your peace.”

    Peace. What is such a thing? If it does exist, why can I not have it now? I don’t understand why I must learn these things for her. Couldn’t she watch them as she observed me? And what could she possibly gain from such knowledge? All I want to do is die. To turn cold and let my flesh rot like everyone I ever loved. I’ve already live once, it was horrible. I can learn nothing from living again. The only meaning to life is to live and then die. Mankind cannot be fixed. They follow an erroneous pattern, one I am unable and unwilling to break.

     “Why,” I ask. “Why me?”

     “Because you survive William, you live and you cannot die.”

     “But why can’t you find the meaning of life?”

     “I interfered once before and have vowed never to do so again. Only you, a child of man, can learn it’s truths from its faults and find its secrets.”

     “How can this be done?”

    The bright light shining from behind them begins to fade. The Voice and the creatures back into the light as is disappears. If the Voice doesn’t tell me what to do, how am I supposed to help my fellow man? How can I do what she’s assigned me? I haven’t the slightest idea what to do or where to start.

     “Live,” she says. “Begin again.” Then they are gone.

End of chapter one.

~>darkyetlovely<~

16

remember what it was like to be sixteen? It's the worst and best time of our teenage years.. well here;s a thought..

16

The world appears to be such a big and confusing place.
Life it seems is harder than it is easy.
And when you’re sixteen you begin to believe that the world really is at your fingertips.
You start to feel so very grown up.
It is about the time when the world in front of you seems its scariest.
It is the time when you really, truly begin that great quest, the long journey called life.
At 16 you feel like a real teenager, not just a little teen or a kid.
And you’re not to old either; you’re at the peak of your youth.
Everyday is good when you’re with your friends.
And those days that are bad seem even worse than they could possibly be.
The phrase ‘forever young’ rings true, and maybe at sixteen it does.
At 16 you sometimes hide from your childhood, not wanting to affiliate yourself with being a child.
 And you want to prove you have grown up.
You try to prove you’re as strong as everyone around you.
But when 16 comes to an end and you get on up in years,
you’ll find that big scary world is actually quite small and innocuous.
Its not as intimidating as you once believed.
You’ll find that life is only as hard as you let it be.
That the journey never ends, and it always presents new twists and turns.
And when not everyday feels like a good day,
you get to look back at when you were sixteen for reminders that everyday can be good--
if you find something good in it.
You get to look back and laugh at all the silly things you used to think and do.
You remind yourself, it wasn’t so bad to be sixteen.
So what’s the point in rushing?
Make memories while you’re only 16...

16 things you should always do:

1- Take the journey one day at a time.

2- Tell yourself you ARE BEAUTIFUL everyday. And BELIEVE it.

3- Don’t grow up so much that you forget what it’s like to be young and alive.

4- Learn to receive love. (or how to be loved)

5- Don’t change to be someone else but be yourself, always.

6- Believe in who you are, it’s how God wanted you to be.

7- Don’t think that you are ever to old to learn something; life has a lot to teach if you’re willing to learn.

8- It’s ok to be weak sometimes, because we all are.

9- If you fall, it’s ok not to get up right away. You can wait until you’re ready to stand.

10- Let your heart fall in love.

11- Don’t forget about the little things.

12- Smile at a stranger daily because you don’t know what they’re going through and it might make their day.

13- Don’t be afraid to reach out.

14- Lose yourself and your mind, go crazy in the middle of a store just to remind yourself we are all human.

15- Let yourself cry, because your tears build a well that’s meant for wishing.

16- Never forget who loves you.

*and one more for good measure 17- Keep dreaming.


This is dedicated to a very special lady who is about to turn sixteen. V.G.B.