My heart is dark. My love is weak, yet it is sincere. I know this, I accept it. I am weak; there is nothing I can do on my own. Often times I fail at loving and doing all God asks of me. In fact, I’m pretty sure I fail daily. Despite this I am not a failure. Sure I fall, and I break over and over again. But when I fall I get back up, and sometimes I try to piece myself back together then when that doesn’t work I throw it in the air and cry out. He takes my broken heart and he loves it. He sees the darkness surrounding me and inside my heart and calls it lovely. He heals my brokenness.
I won’t say He is my strength when I am weak, because I am always weak. Therefore He is always my strength. God looks at my little effort, my small but hardest and sincerest of tries and He calls it love. My weak love moves the heart of God. How crazy is that? But it’s true. It’s not the biggest love in the world, it’s not all the good that I do that moves Him. All He cares about is the fact that I said yes. That’s all He wants is my yes, though small and simple it may be. My weak yet sincere love is more to Him than the biggest and greatest loves that lacks the sincerity. He cares more for my little love because it is real and true.
I am a mess. But He calls me His own. He calls me by name. The Lord God Almighty, maker of the heavens and earth knows my name. But of course He does, because He gave it to me. I have sorrow and suffering, but He takes that away to bring me joy. I’ve got burdens, though big to me they are so tiny, so miniscule to Him. And he takes them and carries them away. He speaks to me all the time, even when I don’t listen.
One thing He is teaching me about, that I can never get enough, of is love. You see, He made me because He loves me. And He knows how sinful, broken, and depraved man is. So before I was even born He sent His one and only Son to make atonement for my sin, to heal my brokenness and clear my conscious. Jesus carried the weight of my transgressions. What! But He did. And not just mine, but the whole world. And He did it, why?? BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR US.
The Father loves us, and the Son, who does all the Father does, loves us too—so much so that He gave up His own life for us! So that we could be with Him where He is. Sounds crazy, I know. But I believe it. He did it so He could have a bride, forever. Forever. That’s a long time, shoot, that’s eternity. And that’s where I’ll be for all eternity. I’ll be dwelling in the house of the Lord for all my days. ME. Me, with my dark heart and weak love. But it’s ok, cause that whole dying thing He did, was for my sanctification. His death makes it possible for my love to be weak. How cool is that, well I think it is anyway.
I had this thought at one time in my life, not so long ago in all honesty. I believed that I had to be strong. I thought I was the hero and I didn’t need saving. I didn’t really know how to love God, and I didn’t know my weak yet sincere love was enough for Him. I went around thinking all was well but knowing deep down that it wasn’t. And I definitely did not think it was ok to talk about my weaknesses, fears, and problems with God. That was why I did it on my own, because He’s God after all and doesn’t need my worries and cares. Right? Ummm.. Wrong! So wrong.
He already knows about my petty problems, and instead of thinking, “Oh poor, you. You screwed up yet again. Well, what are you gonna do about it,” He looks at me and His heart fills to the brim with love, even to the point that it over flows with mercy. He says,” Yes, you did mess up. But I still love you, I never stopped. Come back to me and I’ll clean you up.” I fall, get back up, and little do I realize the Lord is right behind me dusting me off.
Anyways.. What I’m getting at is that now I know it’s ok to be weak and broken. He did die for that, after all. And as I said, He knows our weakness, why not confess it and talk to Him about it? He does have some pretty good ideas about getting over it… And I’ve found the best way to deal with my weaknesses is just to love Him. Better yet, to let Him love me and in doing so I fall more in love with him. It’s good to be weak , cause He’ll carry you. Just lean, it’s easy. Well when I say easy…..
Really, it is God’s mercy that reveals to us our weakness. He could let us go about wallowing in our own filth, doing our own thing, and just messing up time and time again. Instead His heart is moved and with His great compassion, His everlasting mercy, He shows us our weakness. He reveals our brokenness so we can come to Him for help, and ultimately He makes us whole.
If you’re looking to find what love really means, look no further than the cross and the man who hung there to die. He poured out His heart, and stretched out His arms for the sake of His bride.
Help me to be weak. Help me to be dependent; I want to be dependent on you Jesus. Help my unbelief. Whichever way the wind blows, I choose to lean.
spreading the London Love.. <3peace and cheese..
-Lui J ***-->The Girl Who Loves London<--***
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