The Growing Season: A Lovely Journey

           The Growing Season: A Lovely Journey

     This year has been huge. Huge. I’ve grown a lot. A whole lot. I won’t say I’ve grown up, but rather I’ve grown in. I know I still I have a lot of growing up to do. And I think when someone goes around proclaiming they’ve grown up (ie -I’m grown up so treat me like I am), that shows how much you aren’t grown up. Actions speak volumes louder than words. It’s true. Need I spell out the work of the cross for you? That’s the loudest declaration of love I’ve ever heard He didn’t use words, ‘…for he was lead like a lamb to the slaughter.’

     Now. Where was I? Oh, yes…

     Growing in, or growing into. You know how when you were little and you would get a new coat for the winter, though in many cases it was only new to you because it had previously belonged to big sister or big brother? The coat usually didn’t fit, it was too big or too baggy, right? And mom always said, “Oh, you’ll grow into it.” But often times it never really did fit properly. Anyways that’s what I mean by growing in. I’ve been wearing coats that didn’t fit right, mostly because they didn’t belong to me. But now I think I found one that fit.

     Ok. Ok. I didn’t literally grow in to a coat this year. I grew into or rather am growing into who I am. What do you mean by growing into who you are, you might ask. Well, it is exactly how it sounds. I am growing into who God created me to be—ME.  No more false pretenses and no more pretending to be someone I’m not in order to fit the mold of today’s standards. He made me unique. I am and was a creative dream in His heart. God has a plan, a purpose, a destiny for me. And I’m beginning –finally—to walk in that.

     I wasn’t who I am (if that makes since) for a long time. I was scared to be me. I see things differently and have been ridiculed for it and never told that it was ok. I thought that because I’m different it must be wrong. I look at something and I see a story around how it came to be. I see what no else dares or cares to see. And I know now there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. BECAUSE that’s exactly how He wanted me to be, for reasons unbeknownst to me but I look forward to discovering.

     I have a story that was perfectly written, though at the same time is still in the process of being written. My story is my own, and I’m the heroine of it. But it is connected to a whole network of stories all entwined together to one story in particular (A very wise and good friend told me this). I think you know what story I speak of… but just in case, I am referring Jesus. Oh and hey if you’re reading this, then my story and yours is probably somehow connected, just a thought.

     As my story is written out—before I was even born, God decided who I would become and where I would go. He said, “She’ll face those difficulties and hardships, not to make her stronger, but so she’ll understand.” Firstly to understand, in my weakness I am strong. Secondly, so that I would understand brokenness in order to help and love those who are broken. He allowed me sorrow and suffering, to set me free and bring me joy, all for His glory. He gave me beauty, well because that’s just what He does.

   Is. 61 – “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted… to bestow them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil gladness instead of morning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.”

     When I was little, like Amy Carmichael, I wanted blue eyes. I also wanted to be tan, blonde, and thin like all the pretty little girls. Although I can color my hair blonde, for a time anyway, my eyes still aren’t blue, I’m paler than a snowman and some days I don’t look the way I want to but I can say with confidence that I am one of the pretty girls. I don’t know why I was born with dark hair; perhaps I’ll be sent to a nation where I’ll need it to blend in with the natives. My eyes are sort of olive green, sometimes hazel brown. They change colors. I know why my eyes are the color they are, but that’s between me and God.

     So since I lead you on this journey and we are nearing the end, I suppose you’ll want to know who it is exactly that I am growing in to be. I don’t know. I haven’t the slightest clue, ok maybe I do but the big picture is still a ways off in the distance. And that’s fine with me. It’s a process. I’m still learning and growing, after all.

     The journey is long, the path is narrow. Not many can travel it. But I’ve made up my mind to take this path and see it through to the end, because at times I don’t really know where it is I belong or who I am, yet here on this journey I know it’s where I’m meant to be and I’ll become who I am. There are rough days, for sure and those days I must say are more than a few. It’s those days where I learn the true meaning of dark yet lovely, weak yet sincere. It’s all learning and leaning. I know when I reach the journeys end I’ll find my way home to my beloved. I’ll be with Jesus, and we’ll look back over how far I came and I’ll tell him it was all worth it.

     I know the end of the story, though I’m still making my way through it. That’s why even now I can call it a lovely journey amidst my growing.

~dark.yet.lovely.~