Dark am I, yet Lovely..

          “ 5Dark am I, yet lovely,

             dark like the tents of Kedar,

             like the tent curtains of Solomon.

            Do not stare at me because I am dark,

            because I am darkened by the sun.

            6My mother’s sons were angry with me

            and made me take care of the vineyards,

            my own vineyard I have neglected. ”               Song of Songs 1:5-6

      I’ve always liked the phrase dark yet lovely, and been drawn to the verse, when I finally understood it that is, well when I say understand you know what I mean… I’m always trying to understand it.

      Dark yet lovely has become that thing I need to hear to pull me up from the mire. It’s my special verse. It’s my reminder that God wants my weak yet sincere love. In fact, it assures me that He doesn’t look at the weak part of my love but the sincerity in my heart. He looks past my darkness to call me lovely. Now, as many times as I’ve quoted it or read through Song of Solomon I never really paid attention to how verse 5 and verse 6 follow after each other, kind of going hand in hand… And now I understand. Or I understand more why I am so drawn to this verse, and that is because of verse 6.

     For so many years—half my life really—I’ve been tending to other people’s vineyards, caring for other people’s gardens. I have been so busy looking out for everyone else’s heart that I forgot my own. My own vineyard I have neglected, up until recently that is. I still find myself in other people’s gardens and locked outside my own at times but I’m getting better at that, I hope so anyway.

     This past year has been me pulling out weeds, cleaning up and taking out the trash that’s accumulated itself in my garden. Though at the same time I’ve been growing… Now I hear the keeper of my vineyard say it’s time to plant seeds in my heart once again, for the time of singing has come. Those seeds will grow and turn into love. I’ll never stop growing, which is a very good thing. And one day when my garden is in full bloom its fragrance will spread, beckoning my beloved.

     But I can’t do this on my own. Lord, I need you. I need you to cultivate me. I need your Son and your Reign. I need both the south wind and the north wind. Lord, simply I need your love. So I devote my heart to you. My garden is yours, come and delight in me. I know you took delight in my vineyard even when it was black and full of weeds, but how much more will you enjoy my love now that I am in love with you.

 

     Thank you for calling me lovely while I was dark. Thank you that you see differently. Thank you for your mercy, and for showing me how to cultivate my garden. Thank you for planting the seed of love in my heart and for helping it to grow. Lord thank you for your patience with me. Most of all thank you for desiring my weak yet sincere love.

           

                          The sanctification process, its goes on and on.

I Still Trust You.

            I still trust you. My burden is less.

   Proverbs 3:5  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

^That is leaning.

     Trusting in the Lord with all your heart. Abandoning sanity, not giving way to your own understanding. It’s simply agreeing with your weakness and saying,” You are God, I am man.” I trust what You are doing in my life. I trust You as the Good Shepherd of my soul, that You are leading me. It is saying, “You lead God, I will lean.”

      Besides… We can’t make it through the valleys or come up from the wilderness except when He is leading us, which implies that we must be fully and faithfully leaning.

     Agree with His leadership. Love Him as your leader, as the good, good shepherd. He doesn’t just lead you away from or out of the hardships, He also leads you to sit under the apple tree, to rest beside the streams of living waters. If you can’t trust Him when life is tough, how will you trust Him and more importantly remember to thank Him in the season of blessing?

 

     Leaning. It is being fully dependent. It is confessing that your life is not your own, that you belong to the one who is greater, who is completely other than. To say no to the leaning is to say no to God. It’s like saying, “My way is better than yours,” or, “I just don’t trust you, so I’m going my own way.” – What way is better than Gods way??? I mean He knows everything. He’s had the plan for redemption before He ever said, ‘Let there be…’ He’s already written your story, so why not go His way? But in the end, its up to you.

     Because He loves you, He lets leaning be a choice. It’s a choice you must make. And He respects your no. That’s just the way He is. He’ll lead you on amazing adventures, but ultimately it’s up to you to follow after Him. When He said to come, follow me, we have to make the decision to go after Him. To run together. (Sound a little like Song of Solomon? Yeah… I get it.) And saying yes, is saying yes to His leadership, which is saying yes to leaning. Figured I’d just state that again.

      “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that it’s fragrance may spread abroad…” Song. 4:6

     Whichever way the wind blows, whichever way You choose to go Jesus, I will follow after You. I say yes to the invitation. I say yes to the leaning. I say yes to your leadership. I commit to following You—Let us run together! I confess that Your leadership is perfect. That I can do nothing without You. Lord, my heart is not my own, it’s Yours. I am Your garden. So come blow upon Your garden, and delight Yourself in me. My life belongs to You. And so, today I chose to lean. I lean into You, my beloved. Lead me. I will follow. I will lean. Teach me Your ways, that I may become more like You.

         Come, blow upon Your garden. I’m leaning, whichever way the wind blows. Amen.

Besides, that’s the end of the story… Leaning.